For "The Girl"

   
I wish I 
could do better by 
you 
'cause it's what you deserve. 
You sacrifice 
so much of your life 
in order 
for this to work. 
--City and Colour, "The Girl"

Dear Girl,


Why do you take up so much of my time?  Why am I constantly thinking about you, and wanting to text you so I can wait (impatiently) for your response only to text you again (immediately) and wait again (impatiently) for your response?  


Sure, you have great taste in music (and men), but the fact that you like the music I like...is that reason enough to be thinking about you all the time?  I admit, I enjoy the time I spend with you.  I have yet to walk away from you feeling sad, neglected, unwanted, rejected, or like the past few hours we've shared have been boring or a complete waste of time.  If anything, I feel the opposite.


And yet, I must say (and in saying so, I am only stating the obvious), that this thing we have won't go anywhere...good.  Sure, it will seem good, even great, at the beginning, what with the romance and all, the little poems, the tender touches, the laughs.  But then what?  When life, or better yet, reality, comes crashing through, like a car driven by a drunk teenager crashes through the living room where we sit in the dark holding hands and watching that movie we wanted to see together, then what?


So, I sit thinking.  Trying to decide.  Do I want to walk away now, unscathed, or do I want the crash, the risk of serious injury?


I will think some more...

So, it's been two weeks since I last posted.  Life is keeping me busy with my full-time job and my six graduate credits, and my efforts not to go insane.

I had my National Guard drill last weekend. It was a fun experience. I looked forward to this training for a month--ever since my First Sergeant told me we were to be tasered and pepper sprayed.  These are two trainings I think every person should experience, though I wouldn't wish those experiences on anyone.  I mean, I stepped forward willingly, eager to set an example, but more importantly, eager to get the bejeezus shocked out of me.  Though the current only runs for 5 seconds, it's a miserable 5 seconds of 1200 volts of electricity pulsing through your body and completely disrupting your nervous system.

 

I wish I had the video of the pepper spray course.  That, I think, you might find more entertaining.  Two minutes of me running around with my eyes burning, trying to subdue "rioters", culminating in me drawing my pistol, telling the person to get down, and handcuffing them, after which I am rushed over to the decontamination area.  I think I used half a bottle of baby shampoo just to wash the pepper from my delicate eyes.  I had to be sure that when I went home to take a shower, the water wouldn't reactivate the pepper and start to burn again.

And, as you can tell from the letter at the beginning, I've had a lot on my mind.  Not really, a lot, just one thing on my mind a lot...

Soon, it will be the weekend before Halloween, and soon I will be in Utah to see my sisters and their new babies, and my mom, who will be in town from Moscow, Russia, where she now lives with my dad.

And that's my two weeks in a Nutshell,
Hop